Coloured Issues

Recently, we received a very interesting e-mail, from an American lady, requesting a response from Indian men and women. We thought it appropriate for us to throw it open to all our sitagita.com viewers. Go ahead, respond to her mail !

Letter

Dear Editor,
I am of American descent, and recently got engaged to my Indian boyfriend. He chose me, above all the Indian women, because he says his choices amongst Indian women were almost nil: he describes them as loud, petty, materialistic and indifferent to their appearance; they get too fat, they never grow up, always retain their small town mentality and are severely influenced by their mothers!

So, why is it, that Indian women get offended when the Indian men choose a "white" woman? I've been at the receiving end of some pretty dirty looks myself, when I'm at Indian functions or in public with my boyfriend. Why don't the Indian women get their act together, and try to improve themselves, instead of pointing fingers at us?

The Indian men in the U.S of A are ever willing to wine and dine "white" women, they find us appealing, understanding, broadminded, modern and fun companions. Why don't the Indian women try to be what their males are looking for? Why do they complain about losing their men to "white" women and get insecure if we even talk to their men? Do they ever look within and try to improve themselves?

Indian women and men, please tell me if you think otherwise.

Best Regards
Joan

Your Comments

To Joan''s B/f - Did your girl agree to marry you only if you clarified to her the reasons why you chose her? Seems she herself had trouble believing you''d go for her rather than the Indian beauties. To Joan- Why don''t you get busy marrying and proving suitable to your know-it-all Indian b/f. Forget the world, you both will know it in no time, how suitable you both actually are for each other. Chances are you''re the right match. Not for any India meets white factor, but given as you two are apt to think, I doubt you''d gel with anyone else, Indian or non-Indian.

Name :a world-wise commentator

These cross-cultural and/or cross religion marriages are bound to be difficult, and perhaps they are seen by many as a type of odd couple. However, I would like to go the otherway -- but too late -- I think "Indian Women" are very beatiful even if the Bolywood variety. Many Indian men (?) look at the White woman as a conquest, or just a way of getting away from India (impossible?) instead of looking at the individual person with a soul.

Name : Henry

  Hi, I'm a British Indian (born and raised in India) and I actually asked parents for an arranged marriage from India, as I have discovered that although white women are fun to be with etc , - the majority of them don't make responsible mothers. And its been 5 years of my marriage and I can tell you I have never regretted a single day, my Indian wife (from India) is the best thing that could happen to me, she is intelligent, fun and pretty - Joan please wake up - stereo types are just stereo types and not reality..

Name : Amid

Bulldoze your friend to bringing you on a trip to India before you take any decision - and I bet you will love it!

Name :Padma

 Hi Joan, Your husband is a real *****. That''s why he does not know the values of Indian Women. Be careful in dealing with him.

Name : Rakesh

I too am American, and dating a N Indian for about 5 years. After much discussion, we both felt that he should at least give Indian woman the benefit of doubt and openly look at them as a marriage partner. (Not only for his parent's sake but for our sake as well) After interacting with 100's of woman, he cannot seem to take that step and say that he wants to be with an Indian woman. His biggest challenge was finding something to communicate to them about, as he could talk to me about anything and not face being judged or made to feel that he was sacrificing his morals in any way. I have come across many Indian women, who I must say are very nice and sweet. But, they do not have that sense of grace when they walk; their hair does not flow in the wind. They are just there, not really appealing to the mind. One thing that does make the Indian woman more enticing would be the fact that they would not want to divorce for any reason. But until today that has not been a big enough force to make him want to marry an Indian woman. I think that we (American's) are free to be who we are, and not pretend to love our in-laws. If we should marry, I will be respectful to my in-laws, but I will draw the line there, come what may I will not give in, and my boyfriend laughs at me saying this because he knows I will not back down, I am ready for that challenge. I am very disappointed at the way Indian's attack the writer, that is why most people including other civilized Indians look outside of their culture, because you all do not have class. The real kind of class, not the kind you're automatically born asha

Name : lynn

One thing is for sure...the comments are made only by Indian women and not much replies by Indian Men. I feel it could be interpreted that Men''s slence means agree Joan''s statement :) So Joan, your boy friend is right and don't worry much of these ladies who always need free lunch from parents, husband, brothers or sons with no effort of their own. Have wonderful life with your boy friend and don't worry about these frogs in well! I really feel shame about few females talking here that a white female will stand only for few years etc... I have seen lot white females who commit for life time and at same time many Indian females who don't even stand few years of married life. I see. with out knowing a guy people blaming him. just cause he mentioned about Indian female he need not be a jerk.......grow up Indian beauties :)....don't touch his sisters and mother for what he said. Other then touching some one''s mother or sister can't you speak of your voice....if you talk about his mother and sister...there could be some time where some one can talk about u with relate to your brother or son. If you are right woman. Joan or her buff's statement need not do anything with you...right man will pick u up. Don''t try to put yourself down by trying to project yourself a great!

Name : R aj_Hindustani

Hey Joan, a strange boyfriend you have there. If he liked you for what you are, hats good. But if he likes you for what you are NOT(i.e not an Indian) then God save you! For his opinions are most immature to say the least. Meet the female docs, the news anchors, the fashion designers,actresses,techies and even a simple new age homemaker of India. You will know yourself!

Name :xyz

I think Joan's comments are racial and exaggerated (The typical American way of ordering people to be the way they want them to be). A lot of Indian women in my generation (I'm 24) are quite broadminded, intelligent and stimulating company. It's just that the media or even Indian films ,Bride and prejudice which portray Indian women as naive and surrendering to their families wishes all the time. I don't think Indian women are scared of losing ''our'' men to white women, part of the fact is the Indian mans obsession with ''gori'' or white skin, because we are just as invigorating company as you are, my dear Joan, Probably a lot more intelligent and free spirited than you think (you've been watching too much National Geographic). Our intelligence, sensual dusky complexion and voluptuous figures have many takers, and we don't need to start aping you just so that we can ''keep'' or impress our men. Come down to India, honey, and find out for yourself.

Name :The True Indian Woman

Yeah Indian women watch too many bollywoood movies and eat too many laddoos..

Name :kingkong

I honestly think , Indian women are brought up to be homemakers, they definitely are beautiful. On think i feel and probably all western Indian men feel are that, Indian woman are not independent. This is just a generalisation , as there might be a few exceptions goes. Since when did India, have the status of equalling the west? Have economic conditions improved heaps? Has corruptions come to decline? Most Indian women, I repeat most go through an arranged marriage ? Whereas white women find their mates. You live your lives only once. When India women start to take care of their men. Stop feeling insecure like , their husband has to take care of them, i guess they are brought up with this mentality. Now don't take a few examples to cite that Indian women are fully independent now just because Mrs. Mickey mouse is. I honestly feel if more women excepted men for what they are and did take care of them and love then love them just for their degrees and because their parents are happy, then me and other western Indian men will also accept the fact that Indian women are not what we thought they are. As the saying goes in America or Australia from where i am, there might be divorces as compared to marriages in India. But when there is a marriage there is a lot of happiness. You live your life only once.

Name :tony

Hello Joan, Phew! Looks like I may be the only Indian male to write here and I'm sorry for this unfortunate tirade of abuse you've had to put up with. There are nearly 34 million surplus Indian males in the World. Why? Because our women abort their daughters (usually coerced by their Mother in Law or sometimes even their own Mother) and because they marry foreigners - always rich & white mind you, never anything else. The Indian male is supposed to tolerate it without protest. These aren't problems of rurality nor lack of education. On the contrary, they're spiralling out of control with the advent of greater modernity & wealth and they are greater still in the Diaspora. Thank you so much Joan for relieving some tiny amount of the pressure on us other 33,999,999 other miserable bachelors with nothing but our degrees, disc drives & motor cars to keep us warm at night. God bless you and your lucky, lucky man - and don't stop making babies until you get a girl or two!

Name :Ashok

Dump him sista!

Name :anonymous

Everyone was thrashing the guy. But no one has ever answered why women at the Indian functions and parties are giving dirty looks at Joan. Which is definitely wrong. Could be Indian/American Men or Women. I feel the better reason for choosing someone is "simple u like them" and why to finger point saying American or Indians women or men are like this and that. You chose what suited you that's it. Isn't that simple? Forget why women/men of India / America don't uplift/downgrade. Keep it simple, do what your heart chooses. You cannot generalize a man/women based on where they are from. Don't you think India/America are big enough and diversified to be generalized!!!

Name :Cy

HI JOAN , I am convinced that Indian women are much more intelligent and better company than American women who may be good for a one night stand. Your boyfriend has to be a taxi/truck driver from rural northern India , who probably wants to settle down abroad through you. Check , he may have a wife in India as well Please consider yourself lucky if you do not dump him after 3 yrs ( it does not matter to you) OR he surely will dump you in few years after his green card. Best of luck

Name :divyadeep

I think the Indian boy in question has every right to his opinion but both him and his Fiancée need to come to India and see for themselves. In general my opinion is that Westerners are more self centered, selfish, petty and individualistic than Indians are both ladies and gents). Superficial opinion/s of Indians (NRIs) abroad (who did not have the courage to build a modern India and stay back in India) is immaterial. Indians and the Indian civilisation has survived for 4 thousand years and only so because we Indians are broad minded and open unlike Westerners who do not accept other cultures and religions with the open heart that we do. Westerners(read the new Christians, interestingly Indians are one of the oldest Chistians since 52 AD) are more paranoid about Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Sikhs, Jains, Buddhists, Parsis etc. than we are of them that is why all religions and cultures exist in India even after worldwide persecution and extinction. The paranoid Americans (post 11/09) want to fingerprint every visitor asking for a VISA and they call themselves open minded - what temerity and shamelessness on their part?

Name :Pooja

Dear Friend please stop talking rubbish. Probably your fiancé does not love his mother in the first place. How can he understand or like any other woman in India? We in India do not differentiate between black and white. It is left to their individual choice. If you are really intelligent don't get married to that idiot who, in my opinion, doesn't even know the value of women not only in India, but anywhere in the world.

Name :shashi


I laughed out loud as obviously you have been so.. brain washed by your boy friend. Any individual who doesn't understand and respect one's own roots, has a 0 level of self esteem. Does he even love or respect his own Indian mother? If not, you are in for a big shock as your boy friend is a shallow, superficial person and will change his stand/views pretty soon!!! Good luck!

Name :Bhasha

Seriously, the problem lies with Indian men. They should change their attitude!! It really sucks big time

Name :glennia

It's surprising to hear about these views about Indian women. His views are the result of a sick mind and sick thinking. It seems your boyfriend has not seen the Indian girls. He must have seen only the Indian girls in USA (a very small %). Are his mother and sister of Indian origin? It means, his views about them are also the same. It's really disgusting to think in such manner. The rich culture, the rich values and above all the joy of joint family is only found in India & Indian families and not anywhere else! His thinking only reflects his flirt ness & sickness! An Indian girl can go even out of her way to sacrifice everything for the sake of her family. These are the basic instincts that are taught to them from childhood. I think your boyfriend doesn't understand the meaning of basic beauty and he is just influenced by the outer beauty! It's only the inner beauty of a person that counts! He has given only negative impression to you about Indian women. We are not narrow-minded. An Indian girl, after marriage leaves her parents place and adjusts herself to new the environment with all smiles and wins the hearts of all the family members. Does it lead to narrow mindedness? I think your b/f doesn't understand Indian values and culture!

Name :Rita

Give it days at the maximum, your Indian boyfriend will put you back in the trash can after sleeping with you, trust me, that's why our Indian men go for white women...

Name :Ginger

I would only say your boyfriend is an unfortunate soul & has bad taste.

Name :Kaunteya Deshpande

This is the first time I am hearing such comments about Indian women. Till date it was the other way. All foreigners want INDIAN WIFE because THEY ARE THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY, LOYAL, LOVING, SACRIFICING, CARING, OBEDIENT AND BEST HOME MAKERS IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE. Dear Joan, the man who proposed to you seems to be A MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. While degrading all Indian women he himself forgot that his own mother is an Indian. God forbid, what you have written about your boyfriend it appears that he is marrying you to get GREEN CARD & ONCE HE GETS THAT I AM SURE THAT YOU WILL BE DUMPED BY HIM .SO BEWARE BEFORE DEGRADING ANY WOMEN BE IT INDIAN OR ANYONE ELSE. Tell me frankly have you been to our country, whom did you meet that you made such impressions about us? GET REAL AND TRY TO FIND OUT THE REAL REASON BEHIND YOUR SO CALLED BOYFRIEND'S COMMENTS. I AM SURE YOU WOULD BE PROVED WRONG ON EVERY ACCOUNT. The dirty looks you are talking about could be of curiosity. You seem to presume everything on your own ,did you try and find out from the onlookers if they had any problem with you, may be you were not dressed properly according to the said occasion, or you were wearing an Indian dress because of which other guests were curious to see how you carried yourself in Indian attire. See, there could be many reasons for one single look. You talk about Indian women being loud, petty, etc. Well to prove you wrong I would advise you to watch our MOVIES AND FIND FOR YOURSELF HOW FAT INDIAN WOMEN ARE. IN TODAY'S TIME EVERYONE IS CONSCIOUS ABOUT ONE'S LOOKS, FRANKLY SPEAKING YOU NEED TO TRAVEL AND SEE FOR YOURSELF WHAT REAL INDIAN WOMEN LOOK LIKE AND I AM NOT SAYING JUST FROM OUTSIDE BUT WHEN YOU WILL TRY TO REACH US YOU WILL FIND THE DOORS TO OUR HEARTS OPEN WITH OPEN ARMS. WORDS ARE NOT ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND US, YOU HAVE TO COME TO US TO KNOW THE REAL INDIAN AND PLEASE DO BRING ALONG YOUR DEAR BOYFRIEND BECAUSE HE IS IN NEED TO KNOW LOTS MORE THAN YOU DO.

Name :indugathwal

Hey what's the issue? Colours? What colour are you talking about Miss. Joan? Just peep in side and check for it. Your so called Indian great Boy Friend must have been rejected here. Why does he need an excuse? Its O.K. he likes you or rather loves you. Let him go ahead and marry you. Who's bothered? In India we have bigger issues to tackle than discuss your trivial matter. Do we brag about when so called white guy marries an Indian woman? Did you find out dear? All the best on your honeymoon. He might find many colours to go with.

Name :Malini

Hi... I was taken aback to see such a question being put up by someone who I don't think has the faintest idea of what India is about. I respect the views expressed by others on this topic and absolutely agree with them.

Name :Sudipa Ray

Hi, Just ask him how his mother was? She too is an Indian....i believe that she has a greater opinion about INDIAN WOMEN as she is from her motherland!

Name :sweety

Hey American, I would like to offer my heartfelt sympathies to you for encountering your Indian BF. For both of you I hope this encounter lasts for I would not wish anyone else, whether Indian or American, to encounter either one of you. As for you Indian BF I'm sure a lot of Indian women will join me in saying "Good riddance to bad rubbish"

Name :Lata

Yo! what's up, hey Joan, yes maybe what your boyfriend said is 30-35% true, but still I think that you should tell him that maybe he should get to know Indian ladies much more because what you are saying is harsh. Wow what if someone did exactly what your boyfriend did and complained about you guys. You get my point, so if I have offended you don't feel bad, ok so yes I agree that maybe some of them are materialistic because well, its like some of them are really proud, and well I want to say, that Indians have a quality that is unique compared to the rest of the "world" and that's humility. Have you ever heard an Indian say stuff that is proud? I hope I've answered your question but hey I'm a boy not a girl and I'm only a teen so don't take it personally. Ok bye.

Name :sanj

I came to know after reading these comments that lots and lots of women in India, have no work to do, don't argue on someone's personal opinion regards : riyaz

Name :k mohd riyaz

Hi Joan, in this day & age I am really surprised at the immaturity of your views & of your boyfriend's. Its really sad that your bf has not had the opportunity of being brought up, meeting & associating with the right INDIAN WOMEN. At social functions if you feel that people are looking at you, its only general curiosity & natural human tendency & not because of petty jealous emotions as indicated by your bf or that Indian women feel inferior to you. Indian women are revered world over for their courage,patience,tolerance,understanding,sensuality,knowledge,fun loving, adjusting, moral & family values. You & your bf should read our epics to know the intelligence, tolerance & courage of our Indian women. There are our share of innocent, naive & ignorant women in India as the world over as there are intelligent & wonderful women in India too. The late Ms.Kalpana Chawla is one fine example of our modern Indian woman. She's dared to do things what her American counter parts have not dared to do, she was the epitome of brains & courage. There is a list of fantastic Indian women who were respected the world over-Indira Gandhi,Sarojini Naidu, Dr.Padma Subramanian, Shahanaz Hussain etc. This list is just for starters, find out if your bf is even aware of them? Or is he ignorant of these women as all the other beautiful [inner beauty] women of India. I feel sorry for his ignorance &/or arrogance. Its high time he changed his mental make-up & attitude about Indian women & gets his act together & makes an effort to think & talk & behave with maturity. This also applies to you, hope you will also research & write before you make a broad & sweeping statement about anyone or anything in future.

Name :Kamala

Hi ,its great to know that you found some one at last, but let me tell you dear that this man, what so ever country he is from ,has despised all the women on earth, now he's told you that Indian women are this , so he chose you over them. Be wise dear how can you trust a man who compares his love for a woman. What if he finds a woman who is really good at heart , LOYAL TO HER PARTNER, who loves him for what he is, and makes him understand about life in a more mature fashion and much better than you did? What is going to be your plight at that time ,still at that point of time dear will you hold to your vanity? So think whether he is telling the truth. I will agree to the fact that American women are fair and tall , but is that enough to hold a relationship together???

Name :Manju

Hi Joan,
Nice to have selected an Indian Boy friend. Hope you teach this friend of yours the Indian value as his mother too is an Indian. This is a comment on the Indian women including his own mother and sisters too. The Indian Woman is a challenge to live with as she adjusts to each and every circumstance and she upholds the dignity of womanhood. I hope you have made a choice, but prove your B/F with an Indian wisdom till death do you apart. Good Luck.

Name :shanta

Hi! If your boy friend thinks you are better than the Indian girls he must have courted well. Good luck and hope you lead a good life. The institution of marriage is well respected in India. The promises made or vows taken ( saat phere) are of everlasting friendship. If your boy friend is talking of some negative characters does he say the same of his mother? Maybe no. Another thing dirty looks snide remarks will be there even when there is an inter-caste marriage, within India. It is difficult. Take it in your stride. It would have been the same if an Indian girl had married an American white isn't it? Many would not have spoken to her.

Name :Prabha Kumathe

Lakshmi,Preethi well said !

Name: SriHari

Hi Joan this is Lakshmi, read your mail. Well its not clear whether your fiancé met Indian women in USA or he met Indian ladies in India ..out of someone's compulsion. I'd like to tell you that he didn't get an ample opportunity to meet a good percentage of Indian women. We are the new generation of Indians who are lot more understanding, broad minded, modern, fun loving at the same time upholding the qualities of a traditional woman for whom her family is her most valued asset.

Name : sreelakshmi

After reading this article I felt so bad because every country has their own culture. If you compare USA and INDIA, there is lot of difference. People from all over the world knew that Indian women are the most adorable and beautiful. They don't like to expose themselves. I think everyone has his own opinion.

Name : Preethi

I am very surprised to hear this kind of observation from an Indian male. I don't know what kind of women he has come in contact with, because they are certainly not the Indian women I am surrounded by. Not only is the Indian woman modern in her outlook, she is educated, enterprising, knowledgeable, confident and very rooted in her values. I think with today's Indian women you get the best of both the worlds. This is not just the Indian woman from a big metropolitan city, but even from a small town in India. The very fact that jokes about the relationship between mother-in-law and son-in-law abound in the western world is proof that women in the west are as influenced by their mothers as anywhere else in the world. As far as Indian men finding the "white woman" more appealing is a myth. Any thing that is not common in one's own daily life is always exotic----- same can be said about the "white man" finding and Asian woman more exotic and mysterious. Does this kind of argument really have any merit whatsoever?

Name : Rachna

Hi Joan, probably your boyfriend is rejected by some Indian girl who is well conscious about her looks & does not like your average looking boyfriend or may be, by some Indian lady who is quite confident about her nature that she does not even like to talk with your complaining BF...Please check out these first & then continue with this insane person. Best of luck.

Name : Sharmi

Hi Joan, have you & your BF heard about herbal products....try to learn about its origin :)

Name : Sharmi

This is for Joan. First off I want to say that your email is very immature. You and your boyfriend are just two prejudice people and I'm appalled that this letter is even on this website. I too am an American woman in a bi-racial relationship, although in my case my boyfriend is African American. I've never thought to ask him why he doesn't date African American women because in truth I really don't care. I'm happy and he's happy so that is all that matters. Second, about the dirty looks. What the hell do you care if get you dirty looks? Brush it off your shoulder and move on. Realize that you can't change how people feel about you and your boyfriend being together. I'm amazed to hear that someone who is in a bi-racial relationship would actually point fingers to another race instead of working toward accepting people's differences. As for Indian women changing the way they are in order to satisfy a man that is just plain stupid. I mean come on now would you change something about yourself in order to be with you boyfriend? Probably not so why do you think Indian women should also? I hope the authors of this site no longer chose to put up letters like these in the future. Ignorant people shouldn't be given the time of day because there are more important things in this world. Lets move toward erasing racism and prejudice ideas instead of celebrating them.

Name : Lya

Dear Miss American, well first of all heartiest congratulations to you for getting engaged ..but let me first tell you that Indian women are not far behind American women . In fact its wrong to compare anyone from any part of the world, as we all are individualistic in our own ways and none is superior or inferior to anyone. It's all a matter of our preferences so your Indian boyfriend choosing you is his preference and doesn't call for any degradation of Indian woman because the amount of perseverance and tolerance an Indian woman has in her is unbeatable, and do not mistake this to be some sacrifice, but a virtue which any other woman from any other country would lack. Indian men, at least the majority of them would prefer a woman who'd love them more than anything else so they have a sense of security, and as the world is progressing so also is the Indian woman who's no more confined to her house. She's modern but still retains her traditional values because she realizes the importance of one's own culture, and she strikes a perfect balance between her work and home, she knows what exactly her priorities are...so dear friend the list is endless and also the argument continues ..so all I say is good luck and hope you have a blissful marital life ahead and learn a bit from the Indian counterparts

Name : Prerna

Indian Women are great always unless and until they are influenced by western culture.

Name : Srikanth Kondeti

The comment given by you regarding the Indian Woman totally useless, unfair and not fit according to our atmosphere. We can not dine or wine with the men, as it is not permitted for us. We have the honour of Bhartiya Sanskriti

Name : Priatma

That's Indian culture. Complaining about their men with her mothers means they are assumed to be their own i.e., their husbands are with them life long. This shows their concern over her husband. Moreover their mentality are not limited as you think. Indian women are quite selfish about their husband due to the environment that exists in India. As I am still bachelor, by looking into my parents and neighbours I am interpreting this data. So, I hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings. However I am proud to an Indian, living in India.

Name : Nagendra S

Well Joan, I do think otherwise. I am surprised that your Indian boyfriend has made a blanket statement about the Indian women. Is he from rural Northern India? The Indian men from rural Northern India do carry such notions. However, the men who have been born and brought up in the cities, don't carry such notions about their female counterpart. Yes, Indian women do have reservations about going to bed with someone whom they won't be marrying. However, this reservation is also slowly going away. Do check whether your boyfriend comes from the rural parts of India. I am sure, if you went to a Metro city in India, you will find that the Indian woman is as broadminded, appealing, understanding, modern and fun companion as her American counterpart. If a woman (be she an Indian or American) is confident of herself, she will never feel insecure of losing her man to another woman, least of all a white woman. Tell me something? Aren't the women in the US afraid of losing their men to another woman. Last but not the least, it depends on the upbringing of the girl/boy, which makes them what they are.

Name : Jyoti

Hey, Marriage is a very personal matter and depends on individual choices and priorities in life. Any person is not a self-born creature. What an individual thinks, behaves and values depends a lot on his surroundings and upbringing. The same applies to any woman in India. At present there is a wide variety of women in India. I must say some of them are so influenced by the western culture that we can't even call as Indian Women. What a person sees in the world is what kinds of eyes he is watching from. I think your boy friend has been giving you too much of negative thoughts about Indian women. You might have to broaden your scope and think by yourself to check out more justified view of Indian Women. Take Care, Rashmi

Name : Rashmi

Ridiculous. Ask Joan to wait for a few years. She will discover for herself painfully that what the person wanted when he came to her was her body, and not herself as an individual.

Name : V.Srinivasan

No Indian women are not the way they are described here. They, in my view, are very cultural, emotional, caring, hard working, affectionate and most sacrificing. Its the problem in the Indian men, most of them, they have very narrow mind that they get attracted to the outer beauty and show off friendship and all. And blame the women for their own weak points. Indian women really respect all their relationship and they really get bound in them what ever the circumstances may be. And to mention their great quality: they have great patience which lacks in western girls. - p.bhanulatha, bhilai.

Name : P.BHANULATA

Hello, I feel this letter is a disgraceful for all Indian women. First of all the person (boyfriend) giving his opinion not all women & men agree with it. I was born in India & migrated to the U.S by marrying an Indian man. My husband's view before marrying me was exactly the same as White Woman's. He came to US only for higher education. He dated several white women but chose me because the white women are materialistic, very demanding & controlling. I have an advance degree from India. All my coworkers & my husband respect my view & opinion. Actually I have supervised male coworkers(attorney). No body says I am petty, loud or materialistic. Some Indian decadent women marry white men, because Indian men do not help in household chores & also are not demanding. On the other hand Indian decadent men marry white women and don't keep their marriage for long, and get divorced quickly. And these broken heart Indian men go to India to choose Indian women to marry. I have seen that too.

Name : M. Kar

What a one sided , prejudiced view ..and asking Indian women to try to be what the Indian males "want " them to be..why should we ? And that too coming from a lady residing in a country known for it's equal rights !!! Maybe it is not the Indian women but Joan's boyfriend who needs to gets his facts right. His description or perception of Indian women cannot be used to make a generalisation on all Indian women. And if all American women are as described then why aren't all "white " men picking them up ...and why is the divorce rate so high there. why so many broken relationships and broken homes ? Why is obesity the number one problem afflicting America ? And Indian men may find them fun companions, but I wonder how many actually tie the knot with them. Maybe Joan needs to visit India and find out for herself rather than believe whatever she hears.. I wish her all the best for the future with her Indian boyfriend !!!!

Name : Renu Behl

One swallow doesnt make summer as the saying goes. Please stop these sweeping generalisations on the basis of interacting with ONE Indian male and his individual reasons of why he chose to marry an American If Indian women were so indifferent to their looks we would not have had a Miss Universe and a Miss World both from India We would not have had a Shanaaz Hussain with her herbal beauty products selling at no less than Harrods's etc. For every Indian girl we can cite ten American or for that matter girls from anywhere in the world who are ''loud, petty, materialistic' This is not true of ONLY Indian girls. If accusations are being hurled we can say it is the Indian male who never severs his ties with the umbilical chord. How else do you explain the double standards, he wines and dines a non Indian female but marries an Indian girl at his mother's bidding when he returns home. I can cite several such cases and I am sure many other readers too would confirm this. The ratio of Indian women to men is 7 to 10 We have more men to choose from so why in Heaven's name should we grudge an Indian male marrying a ''white'' female By interacting with a miniscule section of Indian folks one cannot be allowed to make such statements. One would love to know more about the background of this particular Indian male and the percentage of exposure he has had of interacting with Indian females abroad or otherwise

Name : Rita Mukherjee

Looks like this boyfriend of yours is full of himself, he should be ashamed of labelling his Indian sisters like this. Compared to American girls who are loud and arrogant I think Indian girls are excellent. Believe me, I have lived in America for 18 years.

Name : uma kumar

Hey Joan.. 'What's up? Your Indian b/f must have come to India like 10 yrs ago, his perception of Indian women is totally wrong... today the Indian woman is independent, educated and to be frank we do care about the way we look. You should come to India sometime. Do u know the no. of beauty and exercise products that are being introduced in India!! They do so just because there's a market for these things.... and we do not get offended if the guys choose white girls... FYI Indian girls in USA choose American men too... that's not because India lacks men!! It's just because you never know who and when you fall in love with!!! And the Indian woman loves to wine and dine too... but when she expects that of her guy... then she is called demanding and materialistic!! It's all changing now....u know women are the same everywhere be it American or Indian. And about your comment that people give you THE LOOK when you go out with your guy!! That should be older people, because the younger generation is changing.. but we don't expect so of the older generation. They were brought up with aforesaid culture where so and they are just not used to change, so we don't argue we just respect them but do our own thing!!! To know and respect the Indian culture you've got be an Indian Joan. No offence, we do become modern but keeping our Indian values in mind. Take Care. Pinky

Name : Pinky

Hello Joan, It is really sad to see your entire comments are only based on what your would-be-husband told you or whatever dozens of Indian population you have met. This is really not sounding fair to judge the entire 900 Million Indian population based on your little exposure. How can you simply comment on any Indian women and this is really not acceptable. How many Indian women your would-be-husband dated to comment so? Indian women are fun to be with and create a sense of belonging amongst the family. I don't know what you meant by wine and dine but there are certain values, customs from our culture. No matter what, we wont compromise and if you think that is what is stopping these Indian men in US of A to marry Indian women. They can very well go-ahead with whatever they feel is right. Thanks Vandana

Name : Vandana

Hi Joan, This only goes to show how immature your Indian boyfriend is ... He does not understand nor does he know anything about Indian women. Not all women are as he describes, probably those whom he met were like that. And there are exceptions in all cases. We also feel that Americans or rather "whites" do not listen to their husbands, respect / obey elders, would just separate from families if they don't like & marry another one the next day. Also, living together is another example. But we, Indians, know that not all "whites" are like that. We do have that much sense to analyse and not comment broadly that all white women are same. I don't think the Indian women need any advice on how they need to change themselves as per the man's likes & dislikes, they are already taught how to adapt themselves to an entirely new environment with the whole family living with them, unlike the "whites" who would like only neutral families with no family around them, just because they do not know how to ADJUST. Perhaps, your boyfriend did not find a proper match because he was not worthy of getting one. Well, "Marriages are made in heaven" as they say and so if one's fate is written with a "white", "black" or any other coloured woman or man, it is up to the individual. I would only suggest that it is unadvisable not to comment so broadly on Indian women. I personally feel they are much better than "white", again it burns down to the way a woman is brought up.

Name :..

Hi Joan! I am an Indian female living in the UK. Well, I'd like to say you are entitled to your opinions. The only thing is that even though your husband prefers white gals, i CAN understand this. There is a HUGE stereotype. A lot of Indian girls are trying to break through the image of ''closed-minded'', ''reliant on parents'' etc so they have gone the other way COMPLETELY. They want to show that they too live the way the Westerners do so they become slags, dress slutty, talk like sluts, have no individuality. This is 1 type. The other type will be totally narrow minded as you have said and are completely reliant on parents. I feel it is a shame because there are few BALANCED individuals like me. However, this is not just for women. The men are usually completely sleazy and not sophisticated in the slightest. I think you found your man not because Indians are bad company but because these days, to marry in the same culture isn't AS important as it once was. Communities are VERY multi-cultural these days. Maybe your man is having these opinions because he perhaps wishes he HAD married in the same culture, as to reassure himself. He may be doing this because of his personality. He must remember he is NOT WHITE. By marrying you, doesn't make him white. He is still Indian so why is he putting his own race down?

Name : pritesh

I am so sad to read such things... I am French, and a year and a half ago, I met this charming Indian man who, how wonderful for me, is now my boyfriend. I didn't know anything about India then, I had only seen some movies like Devdas or Bend it Like Beckham! I am of course getting as many information's as I can now, about India, its Art, its History and of course its culture. I also have planned to start taking Hindi classes, and my boyfriend also talked about taking french classes. This american lady's letter shows different things. First of all (and it's something I find ironically encouraging), in spite of her ability to believe such generalizations, she still fell in love with someone from a different (and how different!) country. Secondly, I wonder if her boyfriend did not give her on purpose such a bad opinion about Indian women: as a non Indian-one, I do sometimes worry a lot about things I can't bring to my boyfriend; things I know I even have no idea about. Her boyfriend might have said that to her so she would feel secure! And it obviously worked! I will never be Indian, but will slowly get bits and pieces of this culture, consciously or not, as well as my boyfriend will also slowly absorb certain things about my own culture... but still remain Indian! I love the color of his skin and he loves my green eyes; I tend to think that fate made us being from different countries, but that really isn't my main concern about us. I understand this woman's feelings about how she has been looked at by Indian woman... But I guess this is always the case for couples coming from different countries: other people feel possessive towards people from their own' tribe''! It seems to me that it is in fact no more or less but down to this... I have myself seen pity, anger, resentment etc... While, if I had been Indian, my parents could have chosen this very man for me as an husband. Happy New year to all of you and please bless love wherever it stands.

Name : Sabine

Hi Joan, its time that you should start thinking about the hypo racy of a relationship...disrespect can only earn disrespect for itself and hypo racy leads to a mis-match...so my advice is to both of you...broaden your outlook and the world will be yours.

Name : Somaone

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