Abused!

Every year mama has made me go to Venezuela ever since I can remember. When I was 8, mama made me go there by myself. I had to go to Spanish lessons and everything. I was doing pretty well and stuff, I had made friends and I got on with my work. After a week or so, the normal Spanish teacher had to go because her son had fallen ill and she had to go and see him everyday.

From then on, her husband took over. I suffered for 5 months every night -he did bad things to me, things that have made me scared. I can still remember what happened. I remember the nights, how cold it felt, because I was scared and I still am. I can still remember the sound of the lock, when he used to lock the door with the key. All I could ever do was just try and hide in the corner. But I could never get out. How I wished I could get away. But I never could.

It happened again when I was 11 years old, by a different man in Venezuela. He was related to me and I considered him to be a good friend. But no, he was the same as the other man. I had to go through that for 2 months. I can’t take it anymore. Every night, every second when I’m alone, I’m scared, scared of what is going to happen. I get flashbacks Every single day. I see sick images in my head, I can still hear their voices.
Every night I see these scenes in my dreams. I just want to die. I’m scared. I can’t tell anyone, I can’t tell my parents, we don’t get along. If we talk, it just turns into arguments, and turns abusive after that.

I feel as though, there is no one to trust. No one you can look in the eye, and tell them, what has been going on. It’s driving me mad. I want to have a smile on my face. But I never can. I always have these people surrounding my mind. And if it’s not them, it’s others. I have to cry myself to sleep. I hardly sleep at night. I wish it doesn’t ever happen to anybody. I feel like killing myself, its all getting too much for me now. I don’t understand, why I’m scared

-Ariana

Your Comments

They cannot destroy your soul any more than it has already been. You could consider going to a local church or convent, where you can be sure the superiors there would be more considerate; they might not give you a solution on a platter, but they will help you feel relieved in your heart, for just being able to talk and cry the tears out. Dont, Dont keep all this bottled up. You must be able to talk to somebody, maybe the dormitory mistress of a women's institution. havent you a Welfare Centre of sorts? Keep the Faith, Ariana, but dont take this any more....:-)
Name : Ariana

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