The Women In My Life

The women in my life….my mother, my mother-in law, my aunts, sisters-in law, neighbours and friends are all integral people in my life. Women I consider on a daily basis.

Once I get thinking about it, there have been other women who actually have helped me open my eyes intentionally or otherwise…this is a tribute to them! These are unique ladies who instilled and elicited different feelings in me, throughout my life! Uncannily enough it has happened at intervals in my life when I was going through a “phase”….!

When I was 8years old, I lived in Kalalushi, the Copper Belt province in Zambia. Esther, my nanny is someone I remember even more clearly than the beautiful terrain, climate and even my family members! A strange woman who would take me visiting her friends and relatives. She would securely tie me to her back. I could never remember the journey as she just walked briskly through shrubs and a shanty town. I would cling to her back precariously at first and then be lulled by the rhythm of her movements. I would awake with a jerk as she unknotted the cloth with which I was tied. I would be dropped unceremoniously to the ground, a lump of white mud would be thrust into my hand and she would socialise. I was the spectator as she and her friends and relatives sang and swayed to the rhythm. Sucking on the lump of mud gave me a sense of security. She knew that in a quirky sense. The unfamiliar place and situation should have scared me but it didn’t. Strangely in her own way she helped me belong among people who were alien to me.

The second instance came when I was in boarding school in Bangalore. My school dormitory matron, Mrs. Curren…an imposing figure, a pillar in the physical sense. To get a feel of her you have to visualize her…bespectacled with peppered corkscrew hair cropped short. Her small piercing eyes could literally make up for the intensity which they lost in terms of size! For the first 20 years of my life I had not met anyone else like her. She had a deceptive smile that was to a stranger motherly yet unfazed by what went on around her. I can still remember the smirk on her face whenever I forgot to change my bed sheet on the weekly day that the dhobi came. I would cringe even when I saw her use it on others. She helped me empathize…I understood the experience even before I knew the word!

True friends always stick by you. Rebecca however made me appreciate her actually after I lost contact with her. She accepted me unconditionally. She was one person who reassured me that getting married was not only a custom but a necessity. At the drop of a hat she would prepare a meal, advice, teach her children and appreciate life at home. I think I would have bolted from Doha, where I resided after my marriage if it were not for her. I had arrived there full of rebellion and ideas of how to “liberate myself”…from the clutches of parents and my culture. She taught me to be content with what life had to offer me…She would always give me another alternative which was always more frightening! 

Another lady who instilled in me feelings with her attitude actually alarmed me at first. Saida was the acting Head Mistress of the school I worked in Doha. Quite deceptively she created chaos…I can appreciate her technique now, but I have come to recognse it as being akin to that of a modern day politician in India. Divide and rule…she created suspicion among the staff. A suggestion here and a hint dropped there. She looked devout enough, she always smiled mournfully. Her attitude reeked of desperation. It shocked me to see us being pitted against each other. But once I understood her technique, I felt revulsion and to some extent now I can sympathise objectively

Sadly, it was a good friend of mine who made me thank God for the life that I have. Preetha whose situation made me a sounding board, of sorts, for her problems. I have never felt more helpless than when I listened to her just narrate her tribulations…her suspicious and obsessive husband…a mother-in-law who used spells and black magic to separate them…superiors who did not value her work…colleagues who used her to their advantage and a sister who manipulated her loyalty to her own family. I began to grateful for the life that I have. She has shown me strength against all odds. It also helped me appreciate what she was doing to ease her burden. She showed me that bottling ones feelings do not help. It only serves to eat away a part of your life. That catharsis helps has been proven to me by the fact that she sees her problems as pebbles and not rocks now. Her transition has been self motivated even though she says that I helped…I will be honest …I only gave a sympathetic ear and at times unusual and odd solutions which I think helped her see a humourous side to her situation!

By Achamma Abraham (Jaya)

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